PC Games, asshole gunmen and the role of large official spaces

My husband's a big pc gamer. When he gets together with his PC mates its a bit like stepping into another dimension. Over the years I've learnt how to enjoy his hobby and I've played along with him (his PC linked to mine). I even recently played a game from start to finish on my own - Mass Effect - which I absolutey loved. Naturally, though, I tend to have an aversion to games (unless of course they have a killer story line). The repetitive music and the gratuitous violence; the lack of any real point, except perhaps for 'advancing' your 'character' in order to kill things in more spectacular ways - it just doesn't turn me on. But it does lead me to wonder about the link between school shootings and PC games. And it's a rather weird link that I have in mind. I get the argued for link between the random violence of PC games and the horrific random violence that these men and boys inflict, but I wonder about why they choose schools and colleges as their places of massacre (which is something that that argument doesn't account for). And the thing that comes to me is kind of strange, and I hope not irreverant: I wonder about the overlap in terms of space, both physical and symbolic.

The symbolic space interests me slightly less than the physical space (which is kind of a sick thing to say, I know) but they do overlap and tie in together. Symbolically I imagine these boys as powerless in the school or college space. That large, bureaucratic institution turns them into nothingnesses. And their response, in their quest for power and development, is to take the language of the computer game, the first person shooter, into that school space. To physically stride through those halls looking over the barrel of a gun. I picture them, physically, in those spaces, and I am struck by the particular size and shape of a school building: the large open corridors, larger and higher than what is necessary for a single human being; the many rooms that lead off of those passages; the offices that are out of bounds, that require special knowledge or rank or items (keys) to access. And I see how their game world translates into their everyday surroundings. They go from gaming to school, from school to gaming. And I imagine that they spend about the same amount of time doing both. And when they enter their school worlds the physical space mirrors that of the computer environment. Only here, they are not powerful. Here their development is governed by an other and is not inevitable.

I see these two worlds colliding. Their screens shifting one over the other. And I pity these poor, poor powerless boys. There is no reset button after such pointless bloodiness.

Bear on the Run

My folks asked me to do some panoramas of Table Mountain - not what I'd really choose to shoot, but fun never the less. Dan and Bear came along for the ride and were happily walking along the beach and the dunes quite content to ignore me and get on with their own thing when suddenly Bear decided he needed to be where I was. Don't know why. But I did manage to quickly swing the camera his way and snap off some pics of him charging towards me! For me it's the last pic that makes it - that dumb-ass crazy look on his face - but it's the first two that set up that shot, so I included them all.

Happy Snapping

So Dan says to me the other day, "You know, you haven't taken any photos just for yourself in ages - you really should you know. It makes you happier". And because I'm (just occasionally) stubborn and prickly I think, bugger that, I've taken loads of photos just for myself. Which of course is not true. And it's been a while since I've gone out to shoot something that I specifically wanted to shoot just for myself.


I still haven't taken his advice, though I think I should soon, but in the meantime I took pics of him. And the dog. And our first braai in the new place. Which was a very, very lazy affair on our part (hence Dan in his slippers . . . ). But it was good just to play. And take random photos.

Keeping Warm on Cold Days

I found this pic of Dan the other day - I'd forgotten I'd taken it. It's such a weird experience when that happens. It's like a "Hey, did I do that? That's pretty good!" There's this delayed recognition which I always enjoy. A moment of seeing before the filters kick in. There's a similar thing that happens when I'm out and I see Dan when I don't expect to. It always makes me smile because I'll be minding my own busniness and be vaguely aware of thinking: "Mmmm . . . he's really sexy" and then realise that I'm looking at my own husband. It's good to know that my man still has that magic spark. Dan, who's never put Modesty on his invitation list, loves it when I tell him this.

Inspiration for the wee hours.

I recently read an interview with Eric Clausen where he lists some of his favourite wedding photographers . . . Wow. And wow again. Old Eric's no couch potatoe himself, and I had seen some of Huy Nguyen's work before - courtesy of WPJA - but Justin Demers' work just blew me away. His snow scenes . . . ! And how uncommercial most of his work is. And finally Ben Chrisman's work! What a feast.

I forget - when I'm all busy and wrapped up in deadlines - how important it is to look at other photographer's work - how much inspiration I draw from them; and how much seeing their work makes me want to go out and shoot again!

Some R&R

Definitely much needed after moving, getting boomerang flu, helping out part time at the little primary school down the road, and getting the new puppy! Now that I'm 'on leave' I'd forgotten just how much I love my own space!

A good few months ago a friend of mine's Dad - who teaches at the little primary school down the road - got hold of me and asked me if I didn't want to help out while they looked for a full time drama / art teacher. I said no. Clearly. And look where I am now. I've been there a term. I'm loving it. And I don't think they're really looking for a full time teacher!

When I went in to help them out they'd been looking, unsuccessfully, for two terms (six months!) for an art / drama teacher. It's pretty scary how few suitably quilified teachers are left in the country - though who can blame them when you can go to Dubai or the UK and earn SO MUCH more money. Teachers are really undervalued in this country. Which makes so little sense to me - they're one of the first things I'd pump money into if I were trying to fix our woes.

So, soap box aside, now I'm teaching art 15 hours a week. It's great to combat being on my own for almost all my time (which is what happens when you work from home I'm afraid - the glamorous part of doing shoots only occupies about a fifth of my time!) but I'd forgotten how much energy you need to teach - even for the brief time that I'm there. And then . . . wonder of wonders . . . the term ended and I'm now on holiday! Feels kind of weird having so much time to myself (well, I do spend most of my time working - processing, getting quotes out, seeing clients - but when you work for yourself you can do the work whenever you want to . . . like after that afternoon nap, or after taking the puppy for a walk on the beach ;)

Next term I'll have to see how I go with the teaching though. For me teaching's a commitment that you make to the kids - its not about walking in and telling kids to do the random stuff that the syllabus dictates (anyone could do that), it's about building people up. And you can only do that if the kids trust you. And if they think you're leaving in a term's time, well then, from their perspective, what's the point of them waisting their time? It's horrible leaving in the middle of the year. So I'll probably stay on till the end of this year, but it'll be tough when season hits! Though I have to say that the staff at the school are just fantastic and they really help each other out, which makes such a difference if things get a bit rough.

Anywho, now that the couch is catching the afternoon light, and the puppy has settled down and is no longer trying to use the cat as a chew toy, I think I shall adjourn to the lounge for that nap!

On the band wagon!

Wow! I'm floored by how some service providers (venues in particular) charge for every little damn thing, and then some. I've just been trying to arrange an engagement shoot with a client of mine - her and her partner wanted to do the shoot at Zevenwacht in the Stellenbosch wine route. They love the farm. They go there often for picnics and lunches. So I duly phone Zevenwacht to find out if it's ok that we go and shoot there (doing the polite responsible thing here and making sure that we can do it without getting in their way) only to be told that it costs R1500 to do an E-shoot on their grounds! Holy crap! The E-shoot would take an hour at most. And my hourly rate is R650. And we weren't even asking if we could shoot inside . . .

I even went a step further and phoned Zevenwacht back to explain to them how opportunistic that charge appears. I don't think I got through to them though. And of course the saddest part is that a venue that held huge sentimental value for my clients has lost almost all of that.

I know that we're all in this to make money (myself included) but at what cost?