Thought I'd get some T-shirts printed

Minus, of course, the BDBP stuff at the bottom. I've always felt sorry for those lone animals you see when you drive cross country: there's always one sheep, duck, cow, horse, chicken, goat, ostrich, donkey, pig, something, off on their own while the rest of the animals stand around in their groups. Always wondered what that lone sheep, duck, cow, etc was thinking of out there by themselves.

And then this one is specially for Dan (as requested by him). The font is a free font and the little toilet people I copied from something off a stock site - and yep, I redrew them and changed them!

Photo outing with Dan (and Bear)

It's quite annoying that it loads the pics up assbackwards, but it's too early to get too anal retentive! Dan and I went on a photo-outing (clearly I got started very early on in the day).

We started in the Melkbos Nature Reserve (my folks are still on at me to get them a shot of Table Mountain . . . which I'm clearly struggling with!). While there Bear got attacked by a Boerbull - horrible dogs - and I turned into a crazy woman - throwing my camera down in the sand and apparently yelling "Don't you dare bite my dog!" (I have no recollection of this). I do remember grabbing the Boerbull - whose name is Rocky - by the collar and yanking him backwards and then pushing his head into the sand. At which point I kind of thought that I might be being a little braver than I really am. Turns out Rocky decided that I was clearly pack leader and was quite happy to make friends with me (just not with my dog!). Dan - alerted by all the ruccous - came to save his Bear only to discover that Bear had thought being pinned down and throttled a great game. Bullmastiffs rock.

Rocky's owner was very apologetic and said he'd never done anything like that before. And then went on, during the course of our remarkably civil conversation, to explain how he was a Boerbull mixed with a St Bernard and that the reason they went for this dog was because their last 'thoroughbred' Boerbull had turned aggressive and that they'd now done research on these guys and they were meant to be less aggressive. I wanted to ask her what increments she used to measure that drop in aggression. And whether she knew that St Bernard's are also known for their aggression and taciturn natures. But, hey, you can't throw someone else's dog and be rude to them in one day.

So (rant out of the way) we then decided to drive out into the farmland between the N7 and the N1. After that it was off for a farmhouse breakfast at Bloemendal - where Bear got the respect he so very rightly deserves: the chef sent out an extra plate of bacon for him :)

PC Games, asshole gunmen and the role of large official spaces

My husband's a big pc gamer. When he gets together with his PC mates its a bit like stepping into another dimension. Over the years I've learnt how to enjoy his hobby and I've played along with him (his PC linked to mine). I even recently played a game from start to finish on my own - Mass Effect - which I absolutey loved. Naturally, though, I tend to have an aversion to games (unless of course they have a killer story line). The repetitive music and the gratuitous violence; the lack of any real point, except perhaps for 'advancing' your 'character' in order to kill things in more spectacular ways - it just doesn't turn me on. But it does lead me to wonder about the link between school shootings and PC games. And it's a rather weird link that I have in mind. I get the argued for link between the random violence of PC games and the horrific random violence that these men and boys inflict, but I wonder about why they choose schools and colleges as their places of massacre (which is something that that argument doesn't account for). And the thing that comes to me is kind of strange, and I hope not irreverant: I wonder about the overlap in terms of space, both physical and symbolic.

The symbolic space interests me slightly less than the physical space (which is kind of a sick thing to say, I know) but they do overlap and tie in together. Symbolically I imagine these boys as powerless in the school or college space. That large, bureaucratic institution turns them into nothingnesses. And their response, in their quest for power and development, is to take the language of the computer game, the first person shooter, into that school space. To physically stride through those halls looking over the barrel of a gun. I picture them, physically, in those spaces, and I am struck by the particular size and shape of a school building: the large open corridors, larger and higher than what is necessary for a single human being; the many rooms that lead off of those passages; the offices that are out of bounds, that require special knowledge or rank or items (keys) to access. And I see how their game world translates into their everyday surroundings. They go from gaming to school, from school to gaming. And I imagine that they spend about the same amount of time doing both. And when they enter their school worlds the physical space mirrors that of the computer environment. Only here, they are not powerful. Here their development is governed by an other and is not inevitable.

I see these two worlds colliding. Their screens shifting one over the other. And I pity these poor, poor powerless boys. There is no reset button after such pointless bloodiness.

Bear on the Run

My folks asked me to do some panoramas of Table Mountain - not what I'd really choose to shoot, but fun never the less. Dan and Bear came along for the ride and were happily walking along the beach and the dunes quite content to ignore me and get on with their own thing when suddenly Bear decided he needed to be where I was. Don't know why. But I did manage to quickly swing the camera his way and snap off some pics of him charging towards me! For me it's the last pic that makes it - that dumb-ass crazy look on his face - but it's the first two that set up that shot, so I included them all.

Happy Snapping

So Dan says to me the other day, "You know, you haven't taken any photos just for yourself in ages - you really should you know. It makes you happier". And because I'm (just occasionally) stubborn and prickly I think, bugger that, I've taken loads of photos just for myself. Which of course is not true. And it's been a while since I've gone out to shoot something that I specifically wanted to shoot just for myself.


I still haven't taken his advice, though I think I should soon, but in the meantime I took pics of him. And the dog. And our first braai in the new place. Which was a very, very lazy affair on our part (hence Dan in his slippers . . . ). But it was good just to play. And take random photos.

Keeping Warm on Cold Days

I found this pic of Dan the other day - I'd forgotten I'd taken it. It's such a weird experience when that happens. It's like a "Hey, did I do that? That's pretty good!" There's this delayed recognition which I always enjoy. A moment of seeing before the filters kick in. There's a similar thing that happens when I'm out and I see Dan when I don't expect to. It always makes me smile because I'll be minding my own busniness and be vaguely aware of thinking: "Mmmm . . . he's really sexy" and then realise that I'm looking at my own husband. It's good to know that my man still has that magic spark. Dan, who's never put Modesty on his invitation list, loves it when I tell him this.

Inspiration for the wee hours.

I recently read an interview with Eric Clausen where he lists some of his favourite wedding photographers . . . Wow. And wow again. Old Eric's no couch potatoe himself, and I had seen some of Huy Nguyen's work before - courtesy of WPJA - but Justin Demers' work just blew me away. His snow scenes . . . ! And how uncommercial most of his work is. And finally Ben Chrisman's work! What a feast.

I forget - when I'm all busy and wrapped up in deadlines - how important it is to look at other photographer's work - how much inspiration I draw from them; and how much seeing their work makes me want to go out and shoot again!

Some R&R

Definitely much needed after moving, getting boomerang flu, helping out part time at the little primary school down the road, and getting the new puppy! Now that I'm 'on leave' I'd forgotten just how much I love my own space!

A good few months ago a friend of mine's Dad - who teaches at the little primary school down the road - got hold of me and asked me if I didn't want to help out while they looked for a full time drama / art teacher. I said no. Clearly. And look where I am now. I've been there a term. I'm loving it. And I don't think they're really looking for a full time teacher!

When I went in to help them out they'd been looking, unsuccessfully, for two terms (six months!) for an art / drama teacher. It's pretty scary how few suitably quilified teachers are left in the country - though who can blame them when you can go to Dubai or the UK and earn SO MUCH more money. Teachers are really undervalued in this country. Which makes so little sense to me - they're one of the first things I'd pump money into if I were trying to fix our woes.

So, soap box aside, now I'm teaching art 15 hours a week. It's great to combat being on my own for almost all my time (which is what happens when you work from home I'm afraid - the glamorous part of doing shoots only occupies about a fifth of my time!) but I'd forgotten how much energy you need to teach - even for the brief time that I'm there. And then . . . wonder of wonders . . . the term ended and I'm now on holiday! Feels kind of weird having so much time to myself (well, I do spend most of my time working - processing, getting quotes out, seeing clients - but when you work for yourself you can do the work whenever you want to . . . like after that afternoon nap, or after taking the puppy for a walk on the beach ;)

Next term I'll have to see how I go with the teaching though. For me teaching's a commitment that you make to the kids - its not about walking in and telling kids to do the random stuff that the syllabus dictates (anyone could do that), it's about building people up. And you can only do that if the kids trust you. And if they think you're leaving in a term's time, well then, from their perspective, what's the point of them waisting their time? It's horrible leaving in the middle of the year. So I'll probably stay on till the end of this year, but it'll be tough when season hits! Though I have to say that the staff at the school are just fantastic and they really help each other out, which makes such a difference if things get a bit rough.

Anywho, now that the couch is catching the afternoon light, and the puppy has settled down and is no longer trying to use the cat as a chew toy, I think I shall adjourn to the lounge for that nap!

On the band wagon!

Wow! I'm floored by how some service providers (venues in particular) charge for every little damn thing, and then some. I've just been trying to arrange an engagement shoot with a client of mine - her and her partner wanted to do the shoot at Zevenwacht in the Stellenbosch wine route. They love the farm. They go there often for picnics and lunches. So I duly phone Zevenwacht to find out if it's ok that we go and shoot there (doing the polite responsible thing here and making sure that we can do it without getting in their way) only to be told that it costs R1500 to do an E-shoot on their grounds! Holy crap! The E-shoot would take an hour at most. And my hourly rate is R650. And we weren't even asking if we could shoot inside . . .

I even went a step further and phoned Zevenwacht back to explain to them how opportunistic that charge appears. I don't think I got through to them though. And of course the saddest part is that a venue that held huge sentimental value for my clients has lost almost all of that.

I know that we're all in this to make money (myself included) but at what cost?

I did this a while ago

I did this a while back and found it again while looking through my 'filing system'. It's titled but I want to fly, and the original, which is about 60cm wide, says, "Down below is an open window. And a flat line." It's not quite as morose as the "flat line" suggests. I like the dream of it. The desire to fly beyond the impossiblity of it.

Focus

I took portrait pics of Jimmy and Patricia and their little daughter Pearl a while back. Patricia's not so keen on having her photo taken. Can't blame her, neither am I. She did this thing almost every time I took a shot where she'd look down at Pearl and away from the camera. A modern day Madonna and child. So when I got this one of her looking straight at the camera and got the focus on Pearl and not on her I wasn't sure whether to be delighted or distraught: when I look at just the image I want her face to be in focus, but when I think of Patricia, and how she slipped out of my focus (metaphorically) through out the shoot, it's fitting that she's not in focus here. And I have to say that I quite enjoy the play between her direct gaze and the soft focus on her, and Pearl's looking away and the sharp focus on Pearl.

To Freebie or Not To Freebie

It's such a tricky question this one . . . should you offer friends or family freebies on photography? I've chatted to some other photographers about this and they've given me some stern advice on this score: people tend to think that all you're doing is 'taking photos'; they don't realise that there's skill and time and training and effort involved. The advice that I was given is that it's our job as photographers to make them aware of that skill and time and training and effort. That it's not just a simple matter of clicking the shutter and then handing over the digital negatives, especially not when it comes to the hours of post processing that we often get into. I know one photographer who gives a 30% discount for friends and family, which I initially thought was quite harsh, but now am beginning to think is quite reasonable as I've sudeently discovered 'friends' smooging around angling for a freebie. I've given freebies in the past, and I'll probably give them again in the future, but I'm really of the opinion that people shouldn't ask for a freebie, that a freebie is that once in a while freely given spontaneous thing. Something that's given because its a joy to give. Or because you feel like helping out a friend. So the advice that I now want is how to deal with those that just don't seem to get that and who, in the process, make the act of giving something vaguely unpleasant . . . like visiting the dentist! And me being the person I am, I still sit and agonise over not giving them the freebie! Bugger!

The real kings and queens!

I've decided that seeing as though there are those out there who know a crap load more about photography than I do, that it seems a little . . . arrogant? . . . to write about my processes at this point. So - check out the links on the side of this blog for some really incredible photographers and photographer stuff.

Huh?

The world is full of random weirdness - this morning it was provided by the label on our milk bottle that says, "Living the good life: being a Fair Cape Free Range cow"!

Documenting the Self

Newsweek have an interesting article by Jennie Yabroff on what she terms the "Look At Me Generation". Yabroff talks about the differences between people born before and after the 1980s - those who are afraid of documentation and those who court it via flickr, myspace, You Tube, Facebook. She wonders, in her article, about the ill effects of such documentation on the youth of today: what does it do to our sense of privacy, does it engender the development of personas as opposed to personlities, what does it do to our sense of self, how do we really relate to others and develop trust?

I find myself occupying quite an interesting space when reading her article. I both self document ('publically' on my two blogs) and I document others through taking photographs of them. Is my personality compromised? Am I going to develop trust issues? Will my sense of self become emeshed in a cyberspace portrayal of who I am?

Unlike the kids of the 80s and beyond, I know that what I'm writing on my blogs is a represenation of certain aspects of my self. And I assume that the people (that little handful) who read what I have to say know that too. I know that until I've met someone my judgements on their trustworthiness are compromised precisely because of this partial representation of self that the net allows. And I know that I'm not that interested in spending hours creating and honing my online personality (or, in Yeboff's terms, is that persona?).

It is true that perhaps my knowing in all of these circumstances comes from the fact that I missed the 1980s time frame that Yabroff gives by a handful of years - my personality had time to form independently of the internet and cell phones and reality TV shows. But by the same token I do worry about some of the kids that I used to teach who spent about EIGHT hours a day playing WoW which in essence is just another form of self documentation - or self creation (where they found the time for eating, sleeping, socialising, school work . . . well, I suppose they didn't really). As I worry similarly about the kids who would rather sprout inanities and send round time wasting videos and quizzes on facebook, instead of actually spending time in the living, breathing company of friends.

But I also wonder about the potential for good that this self documentation holds. It puts us into a world where the private becomes public - a world where dirty little secrets have a habit of being placed in the public arena. A prospect that is shocking to some, but which also means that the power of the secret to shame and embarrass is lessened, even taken away. Imagine a world where abuse (particularly of children) is almos impossible because of the openess and forthrightness of society about such issues. (And cringe as I do to say this, Ricky Lake and Jerry Springer probably have a lot to do with the destruction of the veils of secrecy that traditionally shroud such issues).

I wonder too at the power of self documentation to help us shape our personalities / personsas (Yeboff sees them as seperate . . . but I'm not convinced that they are, or that we don't take what she sees as our personas into the 'real' world with us all the time) and to make meaning in our lives. I think of the kid who played eight hours of WoW a day. In 'real' life he was overweight and deaf in one ear. While immensely likeable and funny, the truth was that he was a bit of a non-entity in the social structure of the school. He played Warcraft because in that world, and to use his words, he was a god. The need for power and self aggrandisement aside, this is a world in which that boy felt needed. In which he had purpose. And if the counter argument here is that he is gaining those things from a world that isn't real . . . well, the counter to that is to ask: "How real is the rest of our life beyond the social value and meaning that we ascribe to it?".

The Hard Rain Project

Was anyone else disappointed by the project part of the Hard Rain Project? I went along on the weekend to Kirstenbosch to go and check out the exhibition and was really moved. The lyrics and images make for a potent combination. But all of that potency just dissipates when visiting the website. Here there's no real project behind the Hard Rain Project . . . well, unless you count the self aggrandisement of Mark Edwards, the man behind the concept and most of the images. Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe there's something here that I'm not seeing in amongst the plaudits and the praise for the book and the exhibition. One thing I'm really not seeing is a site devoted to concrete action. Which is what I was hoping to find. With an exhibition devoted to the virulent effects of humanity's greed on the environment I was hoping to find a project that does something to counter those effects. But no such luck I'm afraid. The exhibition is still definitley worth a look though.

The Red Glasses!

So I finally capitulated and did the 'colour object and the black and white photo!' Never thought I would, but I guess I was asked by the right client as so far my answer has always been no. Nico and Erna were in Cape Town to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary - they're just the nicest, most down to earth people that you're ever likely to meet - and when they asked if I could do the 'colour thing' with the 'black and white photo thing' . . . I said . . . yes.

So here's an example that I'm actually quite happy with. I spent quite a bit of time making sure that the transistion from black and white to colour was smooth - so once I'd picked up the glasses on the layer mask I put a 250px gausian blur on the mask so that there's a fairly big area around the glasses that has a tiny blush of colour. Then I carefully repainted the glasses on the layer mask and put a light gausian blur on - this time about 2px. I find that otherwise the line between black and white and colour is too sharp. And if you look closely at the colour (or the black and white image) you'll see that the distinction between the glasses and the other objects around it is not sharp. The other thing that I did was put a fairly light red photo filter over the whole image, but making it lighter in the centre and heavier on the edges. Again just so that the red isn't too jarring.

Power Cuts

I know it's a bit of an odd thing, but my husband and I are loving the Eskom power cuts - instead of sitting in front of our pcs or watching TV we're finding ourselves having the epic conversations of youth! It's remarkable! After fifteen years of being together (we were highschool sweethearts and we've effectively known each other for half our lives) we're suddenly remembering how much we like to talk crap. So much so that we've decided to have at least two days a week in which we're away from TV or pc screens entirely (if you think we're mad you should read what Dr Aric Sigman has to say about the effects of too much television in Remotely Controlled

So in between talking crap we've also started some rather Victorian pursuits - playing cards, playing chess and our latest, reading aloud to one another. Current book: Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Chapter 2: 'The Duce' is unbelievably funny read aloud! And chapter four, 'L 'Omosessuale' had me in tears!